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[23 Nov 2007|09:32pm] |
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So theres this boy. We went on a date this week and it was real sweet and all. I'm really starting to like him, but its like we both have so much going on during the day, that the only time we get to talk is at night. Maybe I'm just paranoid? I dont know.
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[05 Nov 2007|07:12am] |
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It probably seems as if though I always say this, but I really think I'm going to start updating this more. I have a lot on my mind lately and I really just can't sort it all out. I have to leave for school right now. but expect a full updated post fairly soon...if not today.
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[04 Jul 2007|09:59pm] |
Maybe I'll get better at this as the school year gets closer and takes its course.
Anyways. Me and jordan are fine now and I couldn't be happier about that. I've missed him sooo much and I wish he could just come home from Boston. I'm so much closer to God now, which is a big help.
Yesterday was Momma's birthday. I went and talked to her, that always helps.
Today is the 4th. whoo. I went to the lake and got sunburnt. now I want to fall asleep in a cold bath.
This "summer school" shit is kicking my ass and I hate it more than anything. French is the dumbest language ever and apparently, my teacher things I'm supposed to learn a chapter in 2 hours, then take a test on it the next day...Well, thats how we've been doing it.
Anyways, I'm gonna go lay down, here, soon. I hope everyone had a safe day.
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[25 Jun 2007|07:13pm] |
hiiiii. so um, im really fucking slack at posting in here. This summer has been a complete shitbomb. It's been fun but, me and jordan haven't been together. We broke up at the beginning of the year and he's been in Boston ever since. We fought and fought and then things got better. He's coming home next month and I couldn't be happier. I realized that he really is my happiness.
This summer, has basically been sincity for me. but we wont go there.
i feel like going to sleep. and not waking up for an extremely long time.
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[19 Apr 2007|08:31pm] |
well, fuckin, well.
sup champs.
im finally back on livejournal and I think it might actually be good for me.
i have so much going on in my mind lately.
not necessarily my life, just my mind.
i want to paint
i want to write
i want to surf
i want to sing
i want to be so much better and so many more things.
it stresses me out.
btw, me and jordan have been together for 7 months (yesterday).
anddddd I plan on trying out for Varsity cheerleading this year.
See how I just put more stress on myself, willingly.
i need help with that.
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[23 Nov 2006|10:43pm] |
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Sometimes, it gets to be too much for me to handle. I don't like the fact that Jordan lives so far away. it hurts.
Hey leslie, I really wish I could be at your party tomorrow. but I can't. My dad likes to be a gaywad sometimes.
Today was terrible. I missed my Mom more than anything. I ate too much. and slept for 3 hours.
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[12 Nov 2006|08:34am] |
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yesterday = amazing.amazing.amazing.
so, I learned yesterday that my boyfriend has an incredible amount of respect for me.
he made me cry. not in a bad way. but i also made him cry. which was cute in a way, considering he was crying because he didn't want to leave me. and he told me that he honestly couldn't remember the last time that he cried.
I'm not sure, but I think this whole "relationship" is gonna turn out well.
I'm really happy with him.
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[06 Nov 2006|08:06pm] |
Rumor has it that I'm a lazy asswipe lately.
whatever
I have no drive to do absolutely anything. I should really be cleaning now. or doing homework, but neither matters to me.
If this weekend goes as planned, I get to spend a lot of it with Jordan. which will be fun, considering I miss him a lot right now.
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[05 Nov 2006|03:59pm] |
so, this is for leslie. she says i should update this more. so maybe this once a day thing will start happening.
maybe.
maybe.
I wrote friday night.
it was about Jordan.
it was something like this...
I can't just write about this, cause there aren't enough words.
The only thing that can desribe this, is our hearts, beating together, in sequence.
The only words to describe this, are those crazy, uncalled-for words that have never been spoken by man.
The only picture that can describe this is my hand in yours.
The only word that can begin to sum up what this is, is that 4-lettered words that is so commonly misunderstood, thrown around, and taken for granted. But this,
this is REAL.
this is Love in its highest power. And we,
we are IT.
we are captured.
we are infinite beyond belief. What I see in your eyes, past the beauty, past the reflection, past the nervousness...
I see that existence, the existence of that boy that takes my breath...
to where I can't utter one word, or move one inch. And that feeling I get when you touch even the tip of my finger.
It's like a dream. A dream that you don't want to wake up from,
so you just keep holding on for more. I hear you whisper in my ear.
It echoes, ongoing, like it will never stop, & I sigh when it ceases.
All the material here, its so idealistic.
But yet, so unlrealistic.
You're not JUST my other half,
But you're my better half.
Hold on strong. Give me life.
Give me happiness. Give me reason. Give me meaning. Your eyes light up when I look at you.
My hair falls in your face when I kiss you.
But you brush it away like theres not a care in this world.
You touch my face like I'm a porcelain doll.
I feel safe with you. Secure. Like we're all that matters.
Because when we're together, we're perfection.
We're the epitome of flawless. WE'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
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[31 Oct 2006|11:37am] |
I'm sick.
I'm happy.
I'm completely in love with Jordan Gregory Lied.
I'm addicted to things that are way over my head.
I miss a lot of people.
I've been quiet lately, reading books, and writing.
I went to Charleston with Jordan on Sunday. We walked around downtown and then went to Waterfront Park. That place is beautiful. I'm really happy with him.
I need a new cell phone. Mine decided to break last night, the charger plug fell out by itself and the whole inside came out with it. so maybe I'll get a new one soonish...cause its slowly dying. with one bar left.
I'm really into school now and I don't know why. I made a 97 on me geometry test. I mean really, I never do that.
I seriously have issues. I want to go to a psychiatrist. but my dad doesnt see the fact that I'm crazy.
ugh.
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[16 Oct 2006|07:40pm] |
FUCKING WOW.
I definitely haven't written in here in a whiiiile & I'm sorry. It's not like anybody truly looks for my posts everyday or anything.
Things have been good for the most part lately. I'm "in love"...I suppose. I couldn't be happier, I'll say that much.
SHOW WEDNESDAY...Atreyu (YUCK)... chiodos....from first to last...everytime I die.
COOOOOOL.
I got in a wreck last weekend. that was lame as shit. but I'm all good now....and my car will be by the end of the week.
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[20 Sep 2006|08:45pm] |
THIS ISNT RIGHT.
JUSTIN CAN'T BE GONE.
IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HIM.
THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO HIM.
he had everything he wanted.
I sat in the parking lot at school today & waited for him to drive up beside me.
...he never came.
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| IMPORTANT |
[20 Sep 2006|09:06am] |
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Monday, two of my good friends, Justin Gibbs & Evan Prothro, were in a wreck. It was a head-on collision. Justin was killed instantly and so was the woman in the car they hit. The woman's baby is still alive and in ICU in Richland Memorial Hospital. Evan is also alive and in Richland, but he's in critical condition.
Evan suffers from a broken shoulder. a ripped diaphram. all his intestines were pushed up into his chest. he's missing his front teeth. his ankle bone went through the bottom of his foot but they put that back together. his lungs are bruised and theres blood on his brain. They thought his jaw was broken but it was out of joint so they popped it back in. He's somewhat responsive. He was able to squeeze his mom's hand yesterday and he tried to turn his head but of course he couldn't. He is still unconcious. He can't talk or open his eyes. and he can't breathe on his own. He has a tube in his nose, mouth, and side. They also had to remove his spleen. He has cuts and stitches allll over his face and his whole face is swolen. The doctors say he'll be in ICU for weeks.
Please please please pray for Evan & his family.
& please pray for Justin's family.
I went to see Justins family yesterday and his mom looked at me and said "you loved him too, didn't you?" & that hurt me more than anything in this world. I miss justin so much & I really hope Evan recovers well & soon. : (
JUSTIN IS THE ONE ONTOP OF JOHN
I miss you Gibby. "bo, we'll always remember you."
He's not here to park beside me all the time.
He's not here to mess up my hair in the hallways.
He's not here to stick up for me like always.
He's not here to spit dip by my feet.
He's not here to cheat off of me in Geometry.
He's not here for me to laugh at.
He's not coming back.
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[12 Sep 2006|09:08pm] |
I don't think I'm quite normal.
I honestly don't.
My dad says I'm too mature.
and too independent.
but I can't help it.
I have such strong opinions.
and I can't pry hand from a drumstick.
whether I'm playing my drumpad or set.
I don't watch TV. and I have a set of classical music cds. (bach, haydn, tschaikovsky...)
I want to be a psychiatrist.
and I want to minor in music.
I spend all my time reading or writing.
I don't talk in my classes.
I don't eat at lunch.
I come home, clean, play drums, cook, shower, go to sleep & do it again the next day.
I turn people down when they ask to hang out.
I don't answer my phone when most people call...nor text back.
I really have problems.
I know what I want to do with my life though. And I know you probably think i'm too young. but chances are, I'm more mature than you and I've been through more than you.
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[30 Aug 2006|03:03pm] |
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I went to the doctor today & he says I have an upper respiratory infection....which, in my case, feels like DEATH.
anyways, I get to stay out of school tomorrow too. bleh. but the doctor put me on medicine..the size of horsepills.
OH..and, about my back/spine...I might have a mild case of scoliosis (sp?) ... but nothing severe enough to treat.
I hate being sick. because I have nothing to do but sit around and contemplate wayyyy too many things. & overanalyze anything and everything people say to me.
I've been sleeping constantly....and reading. and writing letters, so if you want one... just ask.
im super confused about some stuff. (eh, boys)
if anyone wants to talk, lemme know.
i could use it. <3
i could use a couple friends too.
ive realized i dont have too many of those lately.
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[28 Aug 2006|06:31am] |
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1. I can talk to any guy in this universe on the phone...yet not any one of them can make me feel like him....or carry on a conversation like me and him.
2. Charlie leaves Friday. I'm gonna miss him. He means the world to me. Good luck in VA & keep your music up. you're amazing boy. && you PROMISED to come see me.
3. i get my license next week.
4. I twisted my knee. and it hurts way bad. whoo goooo whitney.
5. and uh, I think I get my braces off soon.
im sick as FUCKKKKKK right now.
but im going to school anyways.
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[22 Aug 2006|10:05am] |
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schweet. i kinda wanna die right about now.
i just talked to him again. he's everything to me.
is it possible to be in love & not be dating?
no no no. it cant be. i cant handle this.
today was gay.
i fuckin hate school.
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[21 Aug 2006|09:56pm] |
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I've realized that I've basically fucked up everything in my life that I possibly could.
nice job whitney. (aka. fuckface)
shiiiitttt.
anyone wanna run away with me? and umm...NEVER EVER come back?
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[20 Aug 2006|02:30pm] |
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Menstrual. hahaha |
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I dont really know whats wrong with me lately. I just kinda sit at home, read, and...watch TV. I only go somewhere when I really feel like it. When my eyes get tired of reading. or when my body hurts from sitting around too much.
I've realized that I don't really have any friends lately. Not any "real" friends anyway. I need some.
I get my license in a week, so maybe things will be easier then...I can actually make an effort to go see people...But I probably won't. Sorry if that offends any of you.
Last night I went to a party...and it was fun I suppose, but I really dont have any interest in hanging out with too many people anymore. People invite me to do things all the time, but I turn them down most of the time...due to the fact that I don't feel like putting up with drama...or anyone else's company.
I think I'm just gonna go fill out my SAT applications and read for the rest of the day. Go Figure.
I really need a boyfriend. not just any boy. a boy like I used to have. I miss him so much.
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[15 Aug 2006|11:59pm] |
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i realize that life isn't what it seems.
This is basically how I feel about life anymore...
its a quote from the book I'm reading.
"People had been working for so many years to make the world a safe, organized place. Nobody realized how boring it would become. With the whole world property-liner and speed-limited and zoned and taxed and regulated, with everyone tested and registered and addressed and recorded. Nobody had left much room for adventure, except maybe the kind you could buy. On a roller coaster. At a movie. Still, it would always be that kind of faux excitement. You know the dinosaurs aren't going to eat the kids. The test audiences have outvoted any chance of even a major faux disaster. And because there's no possibility of real disaster, real risk, we're left with no chance for real salvation. Real elation. Real excitement. Joy. Discovery. Invention.
The laws that keep us save, these same laws condemn us to boredom.
Without access to true chaos, we'll never have true pease. Unless everything can get worse, it won't get any better" --Chuck Palahniuk.
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